It happens fast. One day you wake up and you are the parent of some crazy kids. Parenting can scare the joy out of you. It can suck the life out of you. And it can bring you some of the best years of your life. It’s an amazing, yet scary time. One of my favorite moments in parenting is getting advice from other parents who have no clue what they are doing either. “Let that baby cry in her crib (also known as prison) she will learn.” “You’re baby looks cold put some socks on it.” Thank you for your advice.
Here’s the worst parenting advice I can give you. I hope it teaches you to do the opposite.
#1 Focus on your kids flaws.
Remind them of how dumb they are, and how annoying they are. When they are doing homework, let them know how easy it was for you when you were a kid.
When they screw up (don’t show grace) ask them, “Do you think that is what Jesus would do?”
#3 Compare. Compare. Compare.
Point out how great their siblings are. This always works.
#4 Always and Never
Use phrases like “You always” and “You never” because these are always true statements.
#5 Get A Chubby Kids a Scale
If they gain any weight or get the slightest bit pudgy, point it out right away. This helps make them become a better man or woman. This toughens them up. This helps them know the truth and it definitely helps with there self-esteem.
#6 Medicate ‘Em
Just medicate them (as soon as possible).
#7 Electronic Babysitters
Use the TV, iPad and phone as a babysitter. The more the better. Please do not interact with you child.
#8 Set Impossible Goals
Set unattainable goals for your children and remind them how they will never succeed in your eyes.
#9 Tell Your Children They are a Mistake—It Helps
Remind them that they were not planned, and they are a mistake. This always cheers them up.
#10 Build Your Empire
Tell them that you can’t spend time with them because you are working. Impress them with how much money you make because kids care about that. Work your way up the ladder, your kids will be proud and won’t miss you at all.
#11 Trust Everything Online
Get your advice from the web because everything on the internet is trust worthy and the Bible is outdated.
#12 Punish Kids with Bible Exercises
Punish your kids by having them write out Bible verses and yanking them out of youth group and verbally abuse them with your favorite Bible verse. This is healthy and makes Jesus happy.
I hope this made you laugh and reminded you that good parenting is a choice.
Be intentional about investing in your children.
They are a gift from our heavenly Father.
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
What’s the worst parenting advice someone has given you?
Christian Illusionist Danny Ray travels the country sharing God’s Word through captivating illusions.